Consensual sex is when both of you want it, and you both agree to have it. All sex has to be consensual. This means that as a guy you need to be sure she wants you as much as you want her. This can be confusing. You may have been told that girls always say no. But it's not a guy’s job to push girls to have sex. Sex without consent is not sexy, it’s actually rape.
Here are a few rules you need to know:
- The girl usually has to be at least 16 to be legal. If you have sex with a child (under 16) you can be charged with a crime of statutory rape. By the way, you also have to be above 16
- Someone who is drunk, on drugs, unconscious or asleep is not capable of giving consent. So if you have sex with them, it’s rape.
- If a girl is silent she has not given consent. Just because she doesn’t say no, it doesn’t mean she has said yes.
- It is not consent if you are putting pressure on her. If you are putting pressure on her, by saying things like “If you really love me, you will do it”, she cannot freely consent.
- It’s not consent if you are threatening her. Threats are statements like: “If you don’t want to do it, I will have to find someone else who will” or “If we don’t do it, I wanna break up.”
Watch out for statements like; "I'm not sure if I'm ready", "I don't know if I want to", "I think I've had too much to drink", "I don't want to get HIV", "I'm scared" or “ I am not ready for this today”. All of these statements must be taken as meaning no. Always check if you are not sure. Ask directly: “Are you sure you want this?” Or “Do you want me to stop?” If you don’t, you run the risk of being accused of rape.
A girl has the right to say no at any time - even if she said yes earlier. It's everyone's right to change their mind about sex, even during sex.